The days here at the hospital were getting long, but my room was a place I could go back to and let my emotions out into my journal or into Jon's shoulder. Jon was a rock for me through this time. It has been difficult for him as well. We had shared tears together many times as we prayed those last 3 days.
This was my last day at the hospital. Tomorrow I would be going home and I had mixed feelings about it. Although I was excited to see my other children and get back to my old routine, I was really upset about leaving Scarlett behind. I started feeling sorry for myself.
I was sad that I hadn't yet been able to rock her and nurse her until she fell asleep. I was sad when I heard other newborn babies cry and I still hadn't heard my own babies soft cry. I was sad that Scarlett was struggling and there wasn't a thing I could do for her.
But I was grateful that I could hold her little hand and stroke her beautiful dark hair until she drifted back to sleep under the warmth of her bed warmer. I was grateful that the nurses waited for me to arrive so I could change Scarlett's tiny diapers. I was thankful to be able to look into her beautiful dark eyes and see hope that she will recover soon and be able to come home. And I was grateful for the sweet nurses that were loving and caring for Scarlett when I couldn't be there.
We had received so many flowers and gifts from friends and family during this time, but most importantly, so many people were praying for our little Scarlett.
When we went in the morning to see Scarlett, she was under the bili lights for jaundice. We loved her cool cloth sunglasses. She had a pretty blue polka dot bow in her hair which actually turned out to be purple one when they turned off the bili lights.
They had received the results of the brain and stomach ultrasounds and everything looked normal.
We also noticed that her left leg was wrapped in a soft splint to support her broken leg. That was a relief for us to see. Becky, her nurse, was the one that did it. Her leg was pretty swollen, so it was elevated to hopefully make that go away.
They hadn't started her back on milk yet because of the bile found in her stomach which meant things weren't flowing through her yet. My milk also came in this day, I was getting quite the supply. Hopefully Scarlett would be hungry when they would start her on it again.
They hadn't started her back on milk yet because of the bile found in her stomach which meant things weren't flowing through her yet. My milk also came in this day, I was getting quite the supply. Hopefully Scarlett would be hungry when they would start her on it again.
That last day, I spent a while in the NICU holding Scarlett's hand and stroking her hair as I'd sing soft lullabies to her and then I'd spend time writing in my journal.
Daddy spent some time work with her hands and feet to stretch them out.
Daddy also showed up that day with a mini pillow pet that the nurses could use to prop Scarlett's broken leg on. My other kids were a bit jealous.
That last night as I thought about leaving Scarlett in the morning, I didn't want to feel sad, so instead I wrote in my journal all the positive things that had happened over the last few days and I wrote of the things I was grateful for and that seemed to calm my weary heart. I knew Scarlett would be in the best of care and that those nurses loved her and I knew seeing her in the mornings would get me by until I could see her again at night.
