Scarlett June: July 15, 2012

Jon and I had a good nights rest the first night. I practically fell asleep the moment I hit my pillow. Jon had gone home to sleep because he knew he wouldn't sleep well on the hospital pull out beds.

During the night, they had removed my catheter and in the morning they took out my IV. I was also allowed to take a nice hot shower. I called Jon as soon as I got out and when he got to the hospital we headed straight for the NICU.

Scarlett was still off the breathing tube, but was struggling to take breaths. She had a lot of mucus that was building up in the back of her throat and in her lungs, which made it hard for air to pass through. 

It was the hardest thing so far for me and Jon to see was her gasping for air. The nurse said it was normal, but we knew it really wasn't. We hated not seeing our baby resting peacefully. Jon drew the curtains around us and gave her a blessing. He blessed her that she'd be able to feel peace, that she'd keep improving and that the doctors would be able to figure out what was wrong with her.

The nurse surprised us when she said she wanted to take a picture of us holding her. We were way nervous to pick her up, especially since she had a broken leg. She had tubes coming out everywhere, but as soon as she melted into my arms, I felt like all my worries went away.

When we went back to our room, my nurse asked if we wanted to take the Sacrament. I had forgotten, it was Sunday. The two kind men came in and blessed and passed the Sacrament. I couldn't help holding back tears as I thought of my Savior. He knew how we felt, he knew how Scarlett felt. And through him, we could feel the peace and comfort we so desperately needed.

Dr. Berger came to my room to give us an update. They were going to start her on my breast milk that I had been pumping. They would give it to her through a tube in her nose that lead right to her stomach. We also talked about the possibility of her having some type of syndrome, although he had no idea what it could be. He would also talk to an orthopedic doctor to see what to do about Scarlett's broken leg.

Jon and I had prayed and cried with one another so many times over the first two days. After Dr. Berger had left our room, Jon said a prayer. One thing I remember him praying for was that Scarlett would feel whole. That is what I want for my little Scarlett. That she will feel comfort and joy and peace throughout her life and that she will know that she is loved by many many people who will be there for her throughout her life.

When we went back to the NICU later that day, Kathy told us she tried to open Scarlett's eyelid and that she opened her other one on her own. That was such a big thing for us to hear. We couldn't wait until she would do it again and we could see her beautiful eyes.

When we returned to my room, Jon and I pulled out our scriptures to find words of comfort.

D&C 6:36

 36 ^aLook unto me in every ^bthought; ^cdoubt not, fear not.

Alma 7:11,12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.

Alma 31:31
31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul ^ain Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these ^bafflictions which shall come upon me...

That night, I got to talk to our other kids that Jon's parents were watching. It was so nice to hear their voices and it brought me back to how my life was before Scarlett was born. I knew things would possibly be different at home down the road.

Hunter told me he had cried in Primary because he missed us. Jaina said she was having so much fun watching all these movies. And Grey loved that he was getting served snacks galore. I knew my children were being cared for well, and that helped me not feel more helpless.

Around 9pm that night, Jon told me they had to stop her milk feedings because they found blood in her stomach. They would resume as soon as they did an ultrasound to see what was going on.

That night, after Jon had gone home to sleep, I tip toed down to the NICU to say good night to Scarlett.  To my surprise, her eyes were open. They were as beautiful as I had imagined! As I looked in them, I saw how special she was. It seemed like she understood what I was telling her and singing to her. She looked so warn and fragile from the restless breathing, yet there was a look of determination in her eyes. 

When I got back to my room, I broke down crying. This was the hardest day by far. I hated seeing my baby struggle and not being able to hold her and comfort her. How was I going to get through this? I prayed to Heavenly Father for strength and then I fell asleep.

Scarlett June: July 14, 2012

This past week has been possibly the longest week of my life. It's been filled with so many emotions and so many ups and downs. Jon and I have never felt so helpless, yet we've never felt so blessed.

We welcomed our sweet Scarlett June early Saturday morning, July 14th at 6:14am. Her arrival was so anticipated, but also came with some surprises we weren't quite prepared for to hear.

Over the next few posts, I wanted to take a day by day look into our lives as we've welcomed our sweet baby girl into this world.

The night before Scarlett was born, was just like every other night. We decided we'd eat out at Applebee's for date night and use the free kids meal Hunter had gotten from kindergarten months ago. 

As we were headed out the door, it started to rain, so with Jaina and Grey holding my hands, I waddled towards the van as fast as I could. We headed home and got the kids into bed and then Jon and I settled into ours. Being particularly nervous about having a c-section, I asked Jon if we could watch one on Youtube so I had some idea what I was up for. (Scarlett was breech, so I knew unless she turned, I would have to have a c-section). It was pretty had to watch and I started to cry. I really didn't want to have to go through that- although delivering natural didn't sound too exciting either. 

We fell asleep and as I was peacefully dreaming away, I was woken up around 1am by my water breaking. I was still in that phase between being asleep and being awake so everything was moving in slow motion. I woke Jon up and he helped get the kids awake and into the van, while I packed my bag that I had been meaning to pack for days. At this time I was 3 weeks and a few days early. Jon gave me a blessing and  we got in the van.

We headed to my wonderful sister's house. Hunter and Jaina were wide awake. They were so excited that soon they would be able to see their new baby sister. As I walked out my sisters door, I knew my kids were in good hands and that soon we would have a new addition to our family.

We arrived at the hospital around 2am, got checked in through the ER, and a nice nurse wheeled me up to Labor and Delivery. I did all the routine things and they started an IV after 7 attempts. Scarlett was still breech, so I prepared myself mentally to have a c-section. The nurse asked what we were going to name the baby and we said we weren't sure yet, but maybe Scarlett- (we had a couple other names chosen at that point, but all the doctors and nurses started calling her Scarlett even before she was born, so it just seemed right that that was her name.)

Around 5:45am, Drs. Meek and Bitner arrived and they wheeled me into the surgical room. Jon had to stay behind while they started the epidural. I was so afraid. 

Then I thought of the scripture in Proverbs 3:5,6 

 Trust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine^cown ^dunderstanding.

 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy^cpaths.

At 6:14am, Scarlett was born. I couldn't see her because of a sheet they put between me and my stomach, but I knew they had pulled her out. She wasn't crying. That worried me a little, but I though it just might take a few seconds.They took her out of the room with Jon and still I could not hear any crying. I really started to worry. After a few minutes, I asked the nurse if my baby was okay. She paused a second and said she had difficulty breathing so they took her to the NICU. My mind was racing, I'm sure I said a few prayers during those long minutes. She just had to be okay. My whole pregnancy the doctor said everything looked perfectly fine, she just had to start breathing.

Jon said when he had stepped out of the room with Scarlett and the nurses, they tried putting oxygen in her lungs, but Scarlett was not responding. After a few minutes and an Apgar score of 5, they told Jon they had to run her up to NICU. He said that is literally what they did. They scooped her up and ran out the door.

Jon and I waited a couple hours until we had word on how our sweet baby girl was doing. Those were looong hours. I became anxious every time I'd see someone pass our room.

Finally the doctor caring for Scarlett walked in and told us the news. Scarlett could not breath on her own, they had to put a breathing tube in for her. They had to start an IV through her belly button, her hands and feet muscles were extremely tight and caused them to look stiff and she had a broken femur on her left leg. Then there came the shock. He said he was concerned she may have some type of syndrome and that they sent a chromosome test out. My mind went completely numb. "a syndrome?" How could this be. We were planning on delivering a perfectly healthy baby, and now you are telling me she may have a syndrome? After the doctor left, I cried as Jon held me. 

At 9:30am the NICU said we could come see Scarlett. I was so excited to see my baby, but afraid at the same time. Will I think she looks different? am I going to be afraid to touch her? am I going to love her? were all thoughts going through my mind as they wheeled me back. 

I remember looking at her... and instantly falling in love. The first thing I noticed was her thick dark hair. And aside from all the tubes and such, I fell in love with her sweet dainty face. 

She did not look different to me, I wasn't afraid to touch her fragile little body, and I knew that Heavenly Father sent her to our family because he knew we would love her to pieces.

Scarlett was born with a few obstacles she will have to overcome. My heart aches to know she has a broken leg, but it is wrapped in a splint now and hopefully doesn't cause her pain. They think it broke as they were pulling her out of me during the c-section. 

Her hand and feet are so stiff and hard to move, but with a little bit of physical therapy, we hope they will loosen up over time. 

Around 6:30pm the night she was born, Scarlett's nurse excitedly came to my room and showed me a picture of Scarlett. Her breathing tube was removed! Jon snapped this photo of me as I drifted off to sleep. 

Is is most likely that Scarlett has some form of muscular disorder, although it will be weeks before we find out for sure.

We love our little girl and I feel so incredibly blessed to be her mommy. I count down the minutes I can go see her again in the NICU. Welcome to our family sweet Scarlett!