Jon and I had a good nights rest the first night. I practically fell asleep the moment I hit my pillow. Jon had gone home to sleep because he knew he wouldn't sleep well on the hospital pull out beds.
During the night, they had removed my catheter and in the morning they took out my IV. I was also allowed to take a nice hot shower. I called Jon as soon as I got out and when he got to the hospital we headed straight for the NICU.
Scarlett was still off the breathing tube, but was struggling to take breaths. She had a lot of mucus that was building up in the back of her throat and in her lungs, which made it hard for air to pass through.
It was the hardest thing so far for me and Jon to see was her gasping for air. The nurse said it was normal, but we knew it really wasn't. We hated not seeing our baby resting peacefully. Jon drew the curtains around us and gave her a blessing. He blessed her that she'd be able to feel peace, that she'd keep improving and that the doctors would be able to figure out what was wrong with her.
The nurse surprised us when she said she wanted to take a picture of us holding her. We were way nervous to pick her up, especially since she had a broken leg. She had tubes coming out everywhere, but as soon as she melted into my arms, I felt like all my worries went away.
When we went back to our room, my nurse asked if we wanted to take the Sacrament. I had forgotten, it was Sunday. The two kind men came in and blessed and passed the Sacrament. I couldn't help holding back tears as I thought of my Savior. He knew how we felt, he knew how Scarlett felt. And through him, we could feel the peace and comfort we so desperately needed.
Dr. Berger came to my room to give us an update. They were going to start her on my breast milk that I had been pumping. They would give it to her through a tube in her nose that lead right to her stomach. We also talked about the possibility of her having some type of syndrome, although he had no idea what it could be. He would also talk to an orthopedic doctor to see what to do about Scarlett's broken leg.
Jon and I had prayed and cried with one another so many times over the first two days. After Dr. Berger had left our room, Jon said a prayer. One thing I remember him praying for was that Scarlett would feel whole. That is what I want for my little Scarlett. That she will feel comfort and joy and peace throughout her life and that she will know that she is loved by many many people who will be there for her throughout her life.
When we went back to the NICU later that day, Kathy told us she tried to open Scarlett's eyelid and that she opened her other one on her own. That was such a big thing for us to hear. We couldn't wait until she would do it again and we could see her beautiful eyes.
When we returned to my room, Jon and I pulled out our scriptures to find words of comfort.
D&C 6:36
Alma 7:11,12
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and aafflictions andbtemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him adeath, that he may bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to csuccor his people according to their infirmities.
31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul ain Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these bafflictions which shall come upon me...
That night, I got to talk to our other kids that Jon's parents were watching. It was so nice to hear their voices and it brought me back to how my life was before Scarlett was born. I knew things would possibly be different at home down the road.
Hunter told me he had cried in Primary because he missed us. Jaina said she was having so much fun watching all these movies. And Grey loved that he was getting served snacks galore. I knew my children were being cared for well, and that helped me not feel more helpless.
Around 9pm that night, Jon told me they had to stop her milk feedings because they found blood in her stomach. They would resume as soon as they did an ultrasound to see what was going on.
Hunter told me he had cried in Primary because he missed us. Jaina said she was having so much fun watching all these movies. And Grey loved that he was getting served snacks galore. I knew my children were being cared for well, and that helped me not feel more helpless.
Around 9pm that night, Jon told me they had to stop her milk feedings because they found blood in her stomach. They would resume as soon as they did an ultrasound to see what was going on.
That night, after Jon had gone home to sleep, I tip toed down to the NICU to say good night to Scarlett. To my surprise, her eyes were open. They were as beautiful as I had imagined! As I looked in them, I saw how special she was. It seemed like she understood what I was telling her and singing to her. She looked so warn and fragile from the restless breathing, yet there was a look of determination in her eyes.
When I got back to my room, I broke down crying. This was the hardest day by far. I hated seeing my baby struggle and not being able to hold her and comfort her. How was I going to get through this? I prayed to Heavenly Father for strength and then I fell asleep.
