Wandering thoughts on a cool crisp night

Last night, as I lay in bed too tired to get up and close the windows letting in a cool breeze, my mind wandered to what it always does right before I fall asleep.

I was thinking of my children and how everyday they make my heart smile and make me so incredibly grateful to be their mommy. I tried to imagine what my kids thoughts were during the day.

Hunter probably thought about Lego Batman and when he was going to get to play a computer game next,

Jaina about her favorite cartoon shows and what she wants to be for Halloween and

Grey probably thought about food and my cell phone.

I'm ashamed to admit that once in a while, I get so caught up in my thoughts and feelings, that I forget that my kids have thoughts and feelings, too.

I thought about how they view me as their mother. Am I a terrifying monster or am I their safety net and comfort? I asked myself last night, "Am I the mother I want to be?" And the first thing that came to mind was, "no, I need to be better." I reminded myself that I only have one chance at raising my family and even though I know I will make mistakes, I can still try harder every day to be who I want to be.

I thought of ways I can improve. I reflected on the women in my life that are amazing mothers. Firstly, my own mom. She has taught me that love is unconditional and to have patience with the ones you love and that it's the simple things in life that bring most joy. And Jon's mom, what can I say, she is one of the most creative people I know. One of Jon's memories of her growing up was spending time together making cute little Christmas elves, which might I add are the most adorable things in the world. I thought of my surrogate mothers growing up, Karen and Cheryl, whose daughters were me and my sister's best friends. And then I thought of all my sister in laws and of coarse, my one and only sister and my wonderful friends I am making in my ward. All of them have taught me, without even knowing, how to be a better mom. I am grateful for all these amazing women in my life.

I am grateful that I am given the opportunity every day to try a little harder at being more patient, more understanding and making my home a place where my children want to be.

I am grateful I have a husband, who has the same goals in mind as me when it comes to how we want our family to be. I am grateful that he is a great leader and a strength in our home. I feel so lucky to be married to such a good man!

I'm especially grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know he lives and I know his plan is real and is the only way to true happiness. I am grateful for Jesus Christ. He allows me to be forgiven of my shortcomings and gives me hope that I can live with my family forever because that is the one thing I am striving for in this life.