Two birthdays in one

Two months ago today, our beautiful little Scarlett was born. We love her so dearly that words can't even describe. 

My mind often goes back to the day she was born- how I was so nervous to have a c-section, feeling the epidural take effect, hearing the nurse tell us that she could see our baby's cute little bum poking out as they were trying to pull her out... and then not hearing her cry when she did come out. 

I remember the doctor coming in and telling us there was something wrong with our baby and then after he left, me going over and over in my mind, 'how did I not know she had something wrong with her while I was pregnant with her?'

I remember being a little afraid to see her for the first time- a few hours after she was born. And then seeing her and crying tears of joy at how beautiful and perfect she was! I felt so lucky to be her mother.

I have grown so much these last two months and I will be forever grateful to Scarlett for what this trial has taught me. I have learned that Heavenly Father is in charge and sometimes it is easier to accept His will even though it is so hard. That is why we have our Savior. He is able to ease our burdens and heartache through His redeeming and endless love. 

But still, I have times when I am sad knowing that Scarlett will not grow into a curious little toddler and then blossom into a beautiful woman. Sometimes I let my mind wander and I like to think she is just fine and she will get better. I guess that is my way of coping with her diagnosis. But then I snap out of it and life is hard again.

My father in law (whom I admire so much his council) mentioned something to me that I have thought a lot about. 

Why do we try so hard to stay on this Earth? 

Why, before Scarlett was born, had I prayed so fearfully- that no harm would come before my family, that we would always be in good health, basically that we would never have to have any trials like that while we were here earth?

How foolish I was. Not that it is bad to pray for those things, but I got caught up in always wanting my life to be easy. 

I have never regretted that we have Scarlett.  She is our daughter and we love her just as we love our other children, maybe sometimes more because she is such a good little baby:) 

Having a sick child is teaching me to have faith, patience, a deeper love, to serve unselfishly, and to have more compassion when otherwise I wouldn't have really understood. Basically she is teaching me to be more like our Savior.

I love Scarlett and I hope that she feels that when I am with her and that it lingers when I am not.

Happy 2 month birthday, Scarlett! We love you more and more each day! 

picture taken by my wonderful friend, Tiffany's, mom. Isn't she beautiful!

And did I mention that today is also Jon's birthday?! I love this man! He is a such a loving, forgiving, funny, handsome, smart and wonderful husband, but even better than that is that he is a fabulous father. He loves our children and that in turn makes me love him even more.