We have been blessed in many ways as we have gone through the last couple of months with Scarlett.
My wonderful wife Mandi has been a great strength to me throughout this time. It is so good to have her. She has gone through the same things I have, and only she knows what it is like to be me. I love her and couldn't have gotten through this without her support. She is an amazing and strong woman, who I am blessed enough to call my wife.
Our neighbors, family, and friends have been so very helpful and served us in so many ways. My words can't express the gratitude I have for such wonderful people who have served us so selflessly and been so generous with us. I hope that none of them have to go through this, but if (or when :) ) they have trials, I hope to be able to repay them in some small part by serving them as they have served us.
From the beginning, things felt temporary with little Scarlett. I remember on the second or third day of her life looking at her as she struggled to breathe and the words coming to my mind, "She will rise in the morning of the first resurrection". At the time, the words were confusing to me because I wanted every blessing possible for her. I wanted her to be fixed. What else would any father want for a beautiful and precious little daughter? I asked for these things in prayer many times, but I soon realized that having faith in the Lord meant to trust in Him and know that His will would be done for my little Scarlett. I knew that I would understand better with time what the Lord wanted for her.
As time went by, Mandi and I tried to spend as much time as possible with little Scarlett because we wanted her to feel loved by us as much as she could. Scarlett always had a special spirit about her. I always felt better when I was with her. I felt peace and love. She was ever patient with her difficulties and seemed to always be happy.
Later after learning Scarlett's diagnosis of Pontocerebellar hypoplasia type 1, I didn't want to believe it. It was very sad for us to accept that our precious little girl was going to get worse and worse, instead of better. We continued on spending as much time as we could with her to enjoy her as much as possible while we still had her. As I continued to visit little Scarlett and hold her and kiss her little forehead time after time over those days and weeks, I felt humbled to be in her presence. She was a valiant and noble little one who had proven herself before she was born and would not have to suffer through the trials and difficulties of this mortal life. I knew that she was too precious and too pure. She was sent to earth to obtain a body and be allowed a short time to be with her earthly parents, Mandi and I.
Not too long after getting her diagnosis, Scarlett did begin to get worse. She started having irregular breathing patterns and sleeping all day long apart for maybe a few minutes here and there when she would wake up. She later got to the point where she wasn't breathing at all on her own, and was just being supported by the ventilator. She passed away on September 19th in her mother's loving arms.
I am so thankful for the time we had with Scarlett. It was a great blessing to me in my life and allowed me to get to know Scarlett and love her even more. It allowed me time to learn important lessons from her. This experience with Scarlett has definitely been the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life, but it has also been the greatest blessing I have ever been given. I have learned so much from little Scarlett that I could never repay her for what she has given me. She is a tremendous blessing to me in my life and has changed me forever.
When I think of how to describe the things I have learned through my precious little Scarlett, the words to the hymn 'More Holiness Give Me' come to mind:
More holiness give me, more strivings within.
More patience in suffering, more sorrow for sin.
More faith in my Savior, more sense of His care.
More joy in His service, more purpose in prayer.
More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord.
More pride in His glory, more hope in His Word.
More tears for His sorrows, more pain at His grief.
More meekness in trial, more praise for relief.
More purity give me, more strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains, more longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom, more used would I be,
More blessèd and holy, more, Savior, like Thee.
I am not the man I was before Scarlett was born. I have grown in faith, hope, and charity. I have learned to have patience in my trials. I have learned that the Lord will be there for us in our most difficult times, if we but ask in faith. I have a greater love, understanding, and empathy for those who suffer through trials. I have a greater hope for life after death. I have greater faith in our Heavenly Father's plan. I know that our Heavenly Father is there and truly loves us. I have a better understanding of the suffering of the Savior, and the love He and Heavenly Father have for us. As I have suffered through this trial, I have felt the Lord lift from me the heavy weight I have felt as soon as the thought of the Savior's suffering has entered my mind.
How great a lesson I have learned. The only way I can show Scarlett my gratitude will be to go throughout my life trying to be a better person each day. I will serve others better. I will rely more on the Lord. For me, this scripture has been the theme of our short time with Scarlett. It is even more meaningful to me because it came to Mandi's mind just before Scarlett was delivered. It has helped me to know what to do many times throughout the time with Scarlett and even now. It is Proverbs chapter 3, verses 5 and 6:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Thank you my sweet, innocent, little Scarlett for what you have taught me. I love and miss you more than I can express. I know you are safe and happy where you are now, free from your little body and in a state of rest and peace. You are in a place more beautiful than I can even imagine. I have felt your love and the Savior's love for me and Mandi over the last few days, and that has strengthened me. I know through the great Plan of Happiness that Mandi and I will be with you again on some not too distant day. This separation from you is only for time, but we will be able to be together forever through the atonement of our Savior once this time has passed. Goodbye for now my precious and noble little daughter, I love you and will never forget you, I will always have a place for you in my heart.
Your Dad.
7 comments:
This is James. Thanks for your post, it was beautiful. As you know, we love you guys and have been thinking of you a lot lately, and especially this past week.
As we traveled to the hospital Thursday night when Janese went into labor, the day after you lost your precious daughter, tears came to our eyes thinking of how recently you went there in a similar situation, with so much hope, expectation, and excitement as your baby was about to be born. We thought of you all that night and prayed for you in our hearts. As the moment finally came the next morning when our baby girl was born, she came out, and began to cry, and Janese and I began to cry as well, thinking of you and Mandi, and understanding the miracle we were experiencing in having a healthy baby, and that it did not have to be that way. Now as I see my baby daughter Kate, and hear her breathing, see her drinking, or hear her cry, it just brings such a great appreciation for you and Mandi, and your strength, as well as a deeper understanding of how truly heartbreaking it is what you have gone through. I am so grateful to you guys and to your baby Scarlett for how you have all touched our life in this trial. Thanks for your example and faith and humility. Thanks for showing how to be accepting and hopeful, and have happiness in the trials you are going through. Continue with that strength, Let us know if there is anything at all we can do to help in any way.
Sincerely,
James
Jon, thanks for your inspiring words. I love you and Mandi and I love Scarlett and I so wish we had her now. But I know that she is happy where she is. "More Holiness Give Me" is my favorite hymn. I love that you quoted it. You are a wonderful guy, Jon. Thanks for helping me learn from your examples during this trial.
That was so beautiful. Tyson and I are in awe of you two with your strength and faith. Your marriage in difficult times and in good times is such a great example to us. We've been thinking about your sweet family this week. Thanks to both of you for sharing your testimonies during this trial. They have really strengthened mine.
oh, Jon-what sweet and tender words. You are Mandi are both so amazing, we love your family and are praying for you daily.
Jon, this has touched me so much. I am so grateful to the two of you for your incredible strength and testimonies. You are so good to my sister, I am so happy she chose you! You are an amazing father to all your children. I know that Scarlett felt that love too. I could sense that peace from her.
I love all of you guys dearly. My perspective on life has changed in such a good way because of you guys and sweet Scarlett. I will never forget what she has done and look forward to getting to know her better some day.
Wow Jon, I have always known you were a great guy and that you had a strong testimony, but your words of strength and faith have me in tears. You and Mandi have been such great examples of strength to Jake and I. You are such great parents and I only hope to be half as strong through my trials as you guys have been. There is no question in my mind why such a valient perfect spirit was sent to your family. We love you guys.
Jon,
You are an inspirational example of a disciple of Christ. Thank you for your testimony. It has affected me deeply. I am very impressed with you and Mandi.
Love,
Dallas
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