Last Saturday, September 1st, was Scarlett's baby blessing. It was a beautiful, wonderful day. I was so happy that so many of our family members could be there and share this special day with us.
Jon's mom made Scarlett's dress. It's beautiful cotton embroidery and sweet simpleness made my heart smile when Robyn came walking into the NICU with it. As I was putting it on Scarlett and fixing the curls in her hair, I couldn't help but think that my baby looked just like an angel.
Her blessing was simple and beautiful.
I know our Heavenly Father loves Scarlett so much. She was sent to us as a gift from Him - a priceless gift that is teaching us invaluable things. And although her body is weak and broken, I know that through the atonement of Christ, one day she will be made whole.
My wonderful sister -(who is really my sis- in-law, but she is more like a sister) is one of the most thoughtful people I know. She offered to take some pictures of our family on this wonderful day. I will treasure these pictures forever, Cami!
I love my baby girl so very much. She has become a part of my heart and my every reason for being a mother. And because I love her so much, my heart is also breaking. Her breathing is getting more shallow and she is becoming less responsive as time goes on and I want to fight it somehow, but I can't and I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I know I will have to let her go soon and I don't want to. I wish that she could be cured. I know that the Savior has the power to heal, but I also know that healing her is not a part of our Heavenly Father's plan. Scarlett will have to return home to Him soon.
I am trying to understand all of this and I feel like the Holy Ghost is trying to whisper to my soul that everything will be okay, but right now I don't feel okay. I feel so helpless and sad even though on the outside I might seem like I am fine.
But when I hold my beautiful baby girl and look into her gentle dark eyes, I can see what Heavenly Father wants me to know. That this is not the end for us and Scarlett. That we will only be apart for a short time and one day, I'll be able to hold her without all her tubes and wires attached everywhere and she will be able to cry and kick her little legs and smile.
But for now, I love Scarlett just the way she is, tubes and all.
2 comments:
Mandi, if there's ever a time it's okay to feel helpless and sad, this is it. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I love your stregnth and your testimony in the most difficult trial any of us can imagine. Saturday was the most beautiful day. I learned more than ever what it really means to be a mother by watching you with Scarlett, knowing just how to adjust her breathing tubes and how to talk to her in a way that let her know how much she is loved and adored. I will always look to your example in my life. I am so lucky to even know you, and even more lucky to have you as my sister. :)
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I gratefully, reverently acknowledge the 'lessons of life', and look forward to future reunions full of joy and rejoicing.
It is rather special to have your own little 'Guardian Angel'.
DeAnna Packer
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